Fair Doesn't Always Mean the Same
Nothing turns children into constitutional lawyers faster than perceived sibling injustice.
“He got more!”
“She got to!”
“Why does he get that?”
“That's NOT FAIR.”
I appreciate the commitment to due process.
Unfortunately, family court remains in session approximately fourteen hours a day.
Fair does not always mean everyone gets exactly the same thing.
Sometimes fair means everyone gets what helps them.
Different Kids Need Different Things
One child might need more warning before leaving.
Another may happily sprint toward the car without shoes.
One might need quiet after school.
Another needs to move.
One child may be ready for an independence the other isn't.
One might need extra reassurance.
The other might desperately want you to stop reassuring them and please leave the room.
The parenting isn't identical because the children aren't identical.
“But THEY Got To!”
This is where things get fun.
Because children have excellent memories for every privilege their sibling has ever received.
Curiously, their memory for sibling responsibilities is less developed.
We can explain:
“Different people can need different things.”
“Your turn may look different.”
“I'm making this decision based on what each of you needs right now.”
They may still hate the answer.
That's okay.
Understanding and agreement are not the same thing.
Equality says everybody gets the same.
Fairness asks what each person needs.
This Applies Outside Our Houses Too
We see a child wearing headphones somewhere noisy.
A student standing instead of sitting.
A family leaving an event early.
A kid eating something different.
A child getting an accommodation somebody else doesn't receive.
From the outside, difference can look like special treatment.
But we rarely know the whole story.
And children notice how adults talk about those differences.
We have a chance to teach:
Not everything has to be the same to be fair.
There Is Room for Everyone
The goal isn't to make childhood perfectly equal.
It can't be.
Children are different ages.
Different personalities.
Different strengths.
Different needs.
Our job isn't to erase those differences.
It's to make sure each child knows difference doesn't determine worth.
They don't need identical childhoods.
They need to know there is room in the family for exactly who they are. ❤️
